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Blogs, elvenmistress -- 9 months ago, by elvenmistress
Xposted from a lj friend's journal
I just couldn't help myself ....and now we sing
The Mom Song
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Blogs, elvenmistress -- 9 months ago, by elvenmistressTags: humour,pictures, funny
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Blogs, elvenmistress -- 10 months ago, by elvenmistress
Tim Finnegan lived in Walkin Street
A gentle Irishman, mighty odd;
He'd a beautiful brogue so rich and sweet
And to rise in the world he carried a hod.
Now, Tim had a bit of the tipplin' way
And With a love for the liquor he was born
And to send him on with his way each day
He'd a drop of the Craythur every morn.
Whack fol the dah O, dance to your partner
Round the floor, your trotters shake;
Isn't it the truth I told you
Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake!
One mornin' Tim was rather full
Well His head felt heavy which made him shake;
He fell from the ladder and broke his skull
So they took him home his corpse to wake.
Now They rolled him up in a nice clean sheet
And laid poor Tim out upon the bed,
With A bottle of whiskey at his feet
And a case of blue star at his head.
Whack fol the dah O, dance to your partner
Round the floor, your trotters shake;
Isn't it the truth I told you
Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake!
Now Tim's friends assembled at the wake
And Mrs. Finnegan called for lunch,
Ah she brought in tay and whisky cakes
Then pipes, tobacca' and whiskey punch.
Now the widow Malone began to cry
"Oh, Such a lovely corpse, did you ever see?
"O Tim, me darlin', why did you die?"
"Arragh, hold your gob" says Molly McGee!
Whack fol the dah O, dance to your partner
Round the floor, your trotters shake;
Isn't it the truth I told you
Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake!
Now Mickey Kennedy took up the job
"See now Biddy," says he, "You're wrong, I'm sure"
Biddy gave him a belt in the gob
And left him sprawlin' on the floor.
And then the war did soon engage
It woman to woman and man to man,
Shillelagh law was all the rage
And a row and a ruction soon began.
Whack fol the dah O, dance to your partner
Round the floor, your trotters shake;
Isn't it the truth I told you
Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake!
Now Mick Malone raised his head,
When a bottle of whiskey flew at him,
He ducked and it landed on the bed,
And liquor scattered over Tim;
Bedad, he revives, see how he rises,
Tim Finnegan rising in the bed,
Sayin', "You're throwing whiskey around like blazes,
Well Holy Moses, do you think I'm dead?'
Whack fol the dah O, dance to your partner
Round the floor, your trotters shake;
Isn't it the truth I told you
Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake!
Whack fol the dah O, dance to your partner
Round the floor, your trotters shake;
Isn't it the truth I told you
Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake!Tags: music
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Blogs, elvenmistress -- 10 months ago, by elvenmistress
I was at the mall the other day...
Grabbing a bite to eat at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager who was sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange and blue.
The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look away then look back and find the old man staring at him every time. Finally, the teenager had had enough he sarcastically asked;
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man did not bat an eye... but, responded;
"One time, while I was in the navy. I visited Hobart, Tasmania. I got so drunk and I had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Tags: humour
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Blogs, elvenmistress -- 10 months ago, by elvenmistressDusty Underwear
One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the ? ? ?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."Tags: humour
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Blogs, elvenmistress -- 10 months ago, by elvenmistressRun one lap around the office at top speed.
Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding an lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on and off 10 times.
For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
While a co-worker is out, move their chair into the elevator.
In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, PLEASE! All of you just shut up!".
At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".
In a co-worker's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?".
Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".
Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and donut, smash each donut with your fist.
During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.
Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
Play a tape of jungle sounds at work all day.
Send this website to everyone in your address book, even if they have sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom (don't disguise your voice).
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think".
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".
Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
Don't use any punctuation.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite sex).
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess".
Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, 'Rock Hard'.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week !!!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."
Every time you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here!"Tags: humour
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Blogs, elvenmistress -- 10 months ago, by elvenmistressWave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Leave a box between the doors.
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Start a sing-along.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it. quick!" then whistle innocently.Tags: humour
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Blogs, elvenmistress -- 11 months ago, by elvenmistress
I drew this pic a month ago. It's too was way toomuggy and I couldn't sleep :P So decided that I was gonna do something worthwhile I grabbed for my old sketchbook and started to draw. The whole process took me about 20 mins. (I'm also cute and fluffy!)
Stitch as Haldir (mixed medium: Watercolour and ink)
And next to my desktop pic
Stitch and Haldir
It might not look very good and it's been awhile since I last drew anything. I think I did a bang up job considering it's a little after 2(am) and I'm overtired.Tags: Haldir,Stitch,artwork,watercolour,ink
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Blogs, elvenmistress -- 11 months ago, by elvenmistress
It's been a slow night, spent most of my time reading fposts. So I decided to playing around with my facebook for awhile. Pic I uploaded on my funwall just screamed for caption....

"Licence and registration for that illegal Dwarf you've got tagging along with you."(or how about this one....just thought if it now)
"It's not only Lord Celeborn's word, it's the law."Tags: humour,haldir,orophin,rumil,captions,
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Blogs, elvenmistress -- 12 months ago, by elvenmistressThis is very distrubing (but funny as hell). I just asked this "guy" to moonwalk and blow kisses and he did *shudders*
You could probably boss this guy around all day Creepy chicken.Tags: Chicken, bizarre, creepy, humour










