If a picture is worth a thousand words, then perhaps a glance could be worth a thousand emotions. I recently read that within one glance a man will sum up a woman with one question: “Would I sleep with her?” And then out of that glance about 70% of the women that a man comes in contact with are put into the “No” category. This is the reason they just HAVE to have that look. It is instinct for them to visualize that question and answer it immediately. It is not even considered window shopping, it’s the primal urge they are born with, and while most do it sub-consciously, its still done.
A woman’s primal instinct is to breed, a man’s is to find someone to breed with. We have an entirely different and complex system by which we “instantly” judge a man. I think the problem, however, is that we’re unclear whether those judgments are made from social pressures we are raised to adhere too or if they are the equal instinctual reaction.
While I was waiting for the train recently, I played the game with myself: I looked at all the men within my direct vicinity and asked myself the yes or no question. On no other criteria than looks alone, I ticked off each man into a “yes” “No” and “possibly” category. The interesting thing is that I had to consciously force myself to look around and ask myself this question. On a typical basis, most of the men I see pass by without such a quick assessment of them. Obviously, there are those that catch my eye, and I’ll turn a lustful stare at a well formed ass or nice broad shoulders, but it is not typical.
Why is this? I think that as a woman, my brain has been pre selected what attracts it and what is off limits. It also has the capability to desire more than just the “physical”. I am looking for not only a mate, but a potential father. I also know for myself that I wait to see who tries to catch my attention. If a man stares at me, I don’t think “sex” I think, Wow..he has nice eyes, or .. do I have food in my teeth?
How much of this thinking has been a condition of my upbringing? Wouldn’t it make more sense, logically, for me to want to “try out” as many potential partners as possible in order to ensure the best choice for my future offspring? Lets hear it for natural selection! Men are encouraged in this type of behavior from early on, whereas women who show an inclination towards it are shunned, put down, or have it corrected as bad behavior.
The women of the late 60s/70s understood this concept and practiced free love, but it was unfortunately coupled with the explosion of drugs. This free love concept got shot down as a side effect off too much acid instead of being held up as a changing historical trend for women.
Fast forward 30 years to the millennia. The availability of education for all and mass trends in communication have leveled the playing field between men and women in the work force and every year the glass ceiling gets closer and closer to shattering.
And yet on the mating level, the trends are showing higher rates of divorces than ever before. Are the sexes, on an instinctual level, being brought up with conditional responses that put us too far apart to understand each other at the fundamental levels anymore?
If we spent more time trying to focus on our basic instincts, we might be able to rectify the widening gap and realize that instead of being from Mars and Venus, we are ALL from Earth.
Tequila Rose
20 Comments
After our marriage was over, I found a girl who did have ambition. I 'pushed' her through college and got her through her degree. I taught her to drive and supported her decision to go for the career she wanted. I supported her decision to change her career and helped her gain recognition in her field. Then one day she came home, announced she was leaving, cleared the bank account and was gone.
I have no problem with women with ambition. I do find it interesting that from the emancipation of women in the 70's, quite a lot have gone for the 'superior' rather than the 'equal'. That's quite sad, really.
Looking back over my life, I can say, hand on heart, that I have always treated girls, ladies, women as equals. I recognise there are differences (to do with differing evolutionary needs) and I think these differences are what cause all the problems - people tend to see 'different' as 'not equal' - and that's wrong.
Let ME read the map, YOU drive.
(btw G, I do all my own cooking, cleaning, washing etc etc as well as do my full time job and run my business, so I know where you're coming from).
A lot of men feel threatened by an ambitious woman, or a successful one - I think it's because they really do recognise that you could do their job at least as good as they could, but that no matter how hard they try, they just cannot get the hang of knitting.
They're afraid of redundancy, and what with technology now able to give women babies without sperm, the possibility of a totally female, male-free world is quite frightening. Of course, nothing would actually get done, 'cos, let's face it, you'd watch soaps all day and gossip about them all night, lol.
Oh, just before I go Tequila, you are definitely in my top 30% (am I allowed to say that?).
S.
PS My ex-gf has a badge (button) which says "Women are from Earth, Men are from Earth - deal with it!"
I'm still waiting for him to come back to me with answer to a simple question: If you were stuck on a desert island, which would you rather have - two sticks or a dollar bill?
Japaneseboats- yes i am ;) shhh hehe ..that is a great story about your dad! You are fortunate. I too was raised by a father who believed in intelligence and responsiblitiy and he raised 3 girls- (poor man) but we all three are very successful. I'm choosing to wait for the family though- until I have my own career needs met- and i'm not the only one - but I had to move away from the area I grew up in- in rural mid-west- to find like-minded individuals- perhaps its more the larger cities where you see the equalities more- but there is still the push for the traditional nuclear young family in many parts of this country. And there is still a double standard in many scenarios that challenge women.
I'd like to address one point you make:
"How much of this thinking has been a condition of my upbringing? Wouldn’t it make more sense, logically, for me to want to “try out” as many potential partners as possible in order to ensure the best choice for my future offspring? Lets hear it for natural selection! Men are encouraged in this type of behavior from early on, whereas women who show an inclination towards it are shunned, put down, or have it corrected as bad behavior."
My answer is - why not try out some men? The only reason women are put down is because of our current culture (or upbringing as you say).
I recommend a book called "Sperm Wars" (by Robin Baker). Here's the synopsis I copied from Amazon:
"Robin Baker puts forward the thesis that evolution has programmed men to conquer and monopolise women while women, without even knowing they are doing it, seek the best genetic input on offer from potential sexual partners. Facts of life presented include: 10 per cent of children are not fathered by their "fathers", less than 1 per cent off a man's sperm is capable of fertilizing anything - the rest is there to fight off other men's sperm, "smart" vaginal mucus encourages some sperm but blocks others, and a woman is far more likely to conceive through a casual fling than through sex with her regular partner. Baker describes fictionalized scences and then explains the science behind the actions to demonstrate how our everyday behaviour fits into a pattern of evolution."
I find human evolution facinating, in particular the reason why we have such relatively large/dense brains compared to every other animal on our planet. I am a firm believer that our ability to make things such as art and music (and any other thing that has no relation to being "fit" for survival) is driven by the opposite sex wanting these things from their partners. I see it as mostly women DRIVING evolution completely naturally and without realising it. They like X, so men compete to make X. It just so happened that human females chose the brain as the thing they wanted most. The side effect was an arms race for that desired feature. A few hundred thousand years later and boom - modern humans.
Other great (IMO) reads on this topic:
"The Selfish Gene" - Richard Dawkins
"The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature" - Matt Ridley
What you think of my ass???
Hey you know AdGuy always gets the last word! ;)