A Beautiful Goodbye

Saturday, June 30, 2007, Chris was laid to rest.  He is beside his father in the town he grew up in.  His family, who I had never previously met, welcomed me into their hearts and we shared our grief.  Chris grew up in Quebec, and I in Alberta.  Over 2000 miles separated us as children, but he found me non the less.  For that I will always be grateful.  

He was honored with full ceremony and many tears.  Salutes and speeches.  And of course the 21 Gun tribute at the grave site.  This beautiful goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever endured.   This wonderful man's death is going to haunt me and I fear the scars of his loss will be with me always.  Every time I thought I couldn't possibly cry more, I would look at his casket and prove myself wrong.  I would think that I must be empty now, only to find more pain.  It still makes no sense, but now it is all too real. 

He was a hero in the truest sense of the word.  Hard working, ambitious, driven, intelligent, honest.  I heard many stories from the people he loved and served with.  Everything they said about him was accurate.  Honor, respect, humility, passion were just some of the words used to describe him.  Many stories depicted his incredible sense of humor.  And yet, there were somethings missing.  He was gentle, thoughtful, giving, and sweet.  Yes that's right, this 6'3"  incredibly tough former Army Ranger, Skyhawk, and Sgt. of the 3 PPCLI Canadian Armed Forces, this great representative for Canada was one of the biggest romantic Teddy Bears I have ever met. 

He gave the most subtle compliments.  I  almost wasn't sure at first, he would slip them in with out drawing attention, but I have never heard anything more sincere or rare in my life.  I will never forget any of them.  He would make me laugh until my face felt like it would break.  We would talk about our careers and how similar they were and yet vastly different.  He was so passionate about being a soldier.  He would have volunteered and gone even knowing the end result, because he felt it was the right thing to do.  I will always understand that, because I would have done the same in his place.  It doesn't make it easier.

He hated when I would talk on the phone while driving even with my hands free (which is a very rare occasion).  He never said anything about it, but I could tell by the tone of his voice and his body language that it was making him mental.   Yet he didn't want to hang up.  I would offer but he wanted to talk to me more than it bothered him.  He would promise to call, and I would tell him not to worry about it if he didn't.  We were both dedicated to our careers and incredibly busy.  I understood if he didn't, and didn't want him to feel pressure or obligation towards me.  But he always did call as soon as he could.  He Always kept his word no matter what and no matter to whom he had given it.

He wanted to make a difference in the world and I know for a fact he did.  Not just to me, but to everyone he came in contact with.  He was that type of person.  I can't express what losing him means, to me, those he loved, and to the world.  I would trade places with him in an instant.

I used to believe that everything happens for a reason.  Maybe someday, I will see the reasons in this.  Right now, I don't.