Cheers...
Recently we've been looking at houses. I find it a bit ironic since I swore somewhere in my youth to never own anything that I couldn't get rid off in a second. Now when I look around in the flat I know I would have a hard time to get rid off certain cd's, books, and my guitars I wouldn't throw away without a tear in my eye. Hm, let me correct that, I would cry so the Niagara Falls would look peaceful compared to me...
Sorry, I'm drifting away from the subject. As usual. So, when we're looking at all these old houses, (no, new houses aren't interesting, just old.) I realized this might be the first time I actually make a direct choice on where I should live. Most of the places I've lived in so far I just seemed to have stumbled over. For example, I got a job in this town, and a friend of a friend were moving out from her flat, would I like it? Yes, why not? I have my forest right outside here, lots of pinetrees on the other side, and there is a place you can go, a meadow, where you can lie on your back in the grass and look at the stars and the moon without hearing a sound of the city.
My neighbours are accustomed to my manners, which means that when they sit in the stairwell and hear a door open they cough or clear their throats because they know that if it is me coming they will scare the hell out of me, since I seem to always be somewhere else in my thoughts and the idea of another human being in the stairwell always comes as a surprise to me. (And no, I don't know where I am in my thoughts, I am just not there. And yes, a lot of the neighbours sit in the stairwell, we have a neighbour-cat, which we call Rambo, since he use every force he got in order to force himself into anyone's flat when his real human being isn't home. His real name is Bosse, and we love him to bits, so that's why we hang out in the stairwell, talking to Bosse and eachother. Hrm, well, my cats aren't particularly fond of him...)
Hrm, yeah, I know, sorry, the topic, the topic... Geezes... Well, what I am thinking of, is how come you ended up where you are? Was it a choice you made, or did you just end up there, like me? And if, where would you like to be?
Now, when I have to choose, I find I haven't got a clue what I want...
I know what I don't want. Not a place with horses around the corner since I have a slight fear of horses after a huge grey bit me in my tummy when I was twelve, I was a chubby and short kid dressed in white so he probably mistook me for a huge lump of sugar. That is understandable, however after that my relation with horses never became the same.
varga
6 Comments
It's strange how we float around, going wherever fate takes us and it's so easy to avoid making a firm commitment about what we want. If you could have any house, what kind would you have? I guess I've never been able to write my own ticket like that before.
Buying my first car, for example, was hellish, because it was something I was going to work in and spend hours and hours a day in, driving around for my job. I finally settled on a pick up truck, because practically speaking, I knew I would own it for at least five years and in that time I wanted to move house a lot. Thinking symbolically, it was a car for carrying my life in and making transitions.
But more than that, a house or a car is part of your identity in a big way, it says something about you. Maybe part of your identity is to take what the universe brings and adapt, making it your own. You will find a house that fits your needs for space and natural landscape, and the older structure of it may fit your personality, but the real warmth in a house comes from what's on the inside. I think we influence where we live by the way we choose to live.
And, if getting an entire house feels too much like being nailed down to something that isn't so easy to leave, there's a little bit of fear there about becoming too attached. You could always get a house in a location where it would be easy to resell in a few years if you wanted to move, so it's not the last place you'll have to live in this life. But you would have loved it and then to say goodbye to it, like your CD's and guitar, would be really difficult.
Looking forward to hearing about the house you choose!
And yeah, I think you're right, that we influence where we live by the way we choose to live.
Me, I've always just wound up where I was, with only partial choice in the matter, and I've lived at least 30 places. Recently in surveys I've been asked about where I'd want to be, including staying where I am, and I figure I may move once yet and then just be there and that will be that. I also can say that I've left almost every place I've lived better for my having lived there, and the rest were left at least as good as they were when I got there. However, there's almost no place to which I'd want to go back _ after all, it would just another new place in reality since it wouldn't be the same. As for where I'd like to be, I still don't know _ though rather a loner, I've nonetheless always figured that people were more important than place. Wherever it is, though, will be home. As for where I am now, I was sent _ but, thereafter, I elected to stay and have lived with the many consequences. As one always does when one makes a choice, however happily and sadly.
Sorry that horse bit you as a kid though , I still can't walk into a Gloria Jeans ever since I was bitten by a ravid tourist at our local one.
Hey you know AdGuy always gets the last word! ;)