OK -- I've gone and done it now. I managed to say something that pissed someone off enough to make them completely turn their back on me. I don't feel it was warranted. Didn't even get an explanation. It's not like it's a great loss for me -- I didn't exactly have a lot in common with this person. Yet, I always tried to keep things civil -- even maintain an aire of friendly banter. Tried to point out commonalities when I found them just to try to make a connection. I never had high hopes or expectations --
So, tell me then, why do I still feel a sense of loss in this situation???
jbravo
39 Comments
However I feel no guilt, being sure that nothing I ever said was derogatory to them or their beliefs, but I know I'm a really nice guy - if anyone doesn't like me, that's a problem they have; not me.
I do value your opinion on things around here!
(Actually, I would never delete anyone unless they became personally threatening).
So now it is upto you, to either try to salvage your relationship with this person - appologize, or to let it go as just another bad mistake in life. Hope you learn something.
As for what to do with it, most people would try and get rid of the feeling by switching off, having a drink, getting angry, doing anything they can to win the other person back... it's tough to just sit with that suffering. But eventually, it gets easier and you can decide whether you really wanted that person in your life, or if letting them go would actually be better for you.
I'm really not that hurt in this particular case. Honestly, my motivation for this posting was more along the lines of community building -- to get people to react and talk about situations like this. Because, there are times when you ARE heavily invested in a relationship, and it really DOES hurt.
Personally, I always blame myself first when something like this happens. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I suppose hurt and blame need to be put into perspective, regardless of where they're directed.
My advice -- and you might agree -- would be to make sure that you do get perspective from other people who can look at your situation a lot more objectively than you can.
some people just have an axe to grind with the world ... and making short term online relationships and then cutting them off is just one way of garnering attention and illusions of power- you were never "real" to begin with.
Some people just fade out of our lives online and offline with no real intent against you at all either..
but unless you personally set out an attack.. don't take it personally.
thanks for bringing up the subject though! :)
and so forth
AND SO FOURTH
Is it loss you think or just that we as humans can't stand the thought that someone does not like us? We are so dependent.
In the past I've also made mistakes that hurt people. Part of my problem was that at the time, I felt insecure and insignificant. I think subconsciously, this translated (wrongly) to a feeling that it didn't really matter what I did or said to someone else -- how could it possibly matter? Well, it did. After that, I promised that no matter how I felt about myself, I would always remember that I can have a huge influence on someone else, and to act accordingly.
That goes for everyone here. Don't ever underestimate the impact you have in other peoples lives.
Hey you know AdGuy always gets the last word! ;)