Watching yet another boring travel show this week (i have them on DVD , and no you can't borrow them) prompted me to do this rather insightful guru like guide on travel for my poor pasty woyano friends .
**Please be aware that i may or may not have travelled to the below destinations but i can promise that somebody with my name might have in an alternate dimention.**
Generally nice place to visit #1
Phuket (Thailand)
Otherwise known as "Fuckit" , Phuket has long endured the bearded 40 year old australian male looking for an exploited sex working peasant wife or three for more than thirty years.
Nestled amongst mountains with wallet stealing monkeys it's the ideal place to relax and teach your new wife english and various sex positions whilst frolicking amongst the corrupt police and evil drug lords, sipping thailands especially made but unfortunatly translated "Coronary" beer .
Pro's : Watching a german tourist have his wallet stolen by a monkey only for it to race off hidously luaghing with that "reee reee reee" noise they all make .
The night clubs have real women unlike the internet wich only has men that pretend to be women.
Con's : Realising that whilst the germans wallet is being stolen so is yours. "reee reee reee" .
Generally nice place to visit #2
anywhere (Australia)
Finding somewhere nice in australia is not very hard , finding a hot human being that will find you attractive in OZ dear woyano-er , is . But never fear you can always catch one of our tanned lovelies by the beach , with a camera phone or some electrical tape and hand cuffs either way somebody's wrists are going to be very strained.
Thanks to the rest of the world Australia no longer has a functioning ozone layer wich makes stargazing by night and gaining that extra crispy peking duck type look by day easier than anywhere in the world .
Most of what can be complained about any part of australia can be said about any other part so lets just say its really nice but the following travel warning needs to be considered >
UK travellers ; Please be aware that unlike your home country we have a bright ball of fire in the sky called a sun , this may seem alarming at first but you need not fear as protection is available in the form of radiation suits and huge vats of suncream that can be found at tourism centres all over the country , even if you are cought without your new skin, incredibly well produced Elle Mcpherson clones will jump on top of you , shielding you from those harmful UV rays like "sarge" jumping on a grenade back in "nam".
Pro's ;
Actually finding Nemo!!
All of our asshole movie stars moved to LA!
People wear less becuase its hot.
Con's;
Finding Nemo can't breath straight air when you try to smuggle him home in your underpants.
Dame Edna Everage wears less when she's here becuase its hot.
Our Prime Minister is a tool.
Thats all for now , travel well and watch those evil monkeys.
Glenn
picture : engrish.com
randomglenn
10 Comments
the Aussie liberal politician.
(how did my comment get highlighted?)
I had a buddy that went to thailand and went to massage parlour, "she" turned out to be a he and my buddy still hasn't heard the end of it, whenever he turns up to a get together it always comes up....
LBC aren't all politicians full of it? even our new one the Scottish one is just a sterner looking version of Tony Blair. He won't pull out of Iraq and the country is being hit by more "stealth" taxes than ever.... they are now going to give us a "flood tax" because they didn't maintain defences......'blood is starting to boil'....rant ceased....calm now.
i mean, can we do any worse than george w bush? come on now - we CAN do better! And i believe we will. :)
Hey you know AdGuy always gets the last word! ;)