My pain

I'm a mother of 3 children all of which i love dearly. After a very long and nasty court case my youngest now lives with her dad. Well she has done for 5 years. At first there was a lot of bitterness between me and her dad. Stones where thrown from both sides during the court case - it got very nasty. But now 5yrs on we get on great. And i'm not ashamed to admit the courts made the best choice when they placed her with her father.She's absolutely thriving. If she was with me she would have had to share my attention with her other 2 siblings. I will not deny it would have been very hard for me. Now they are all getting older when she visits at weekend it can get very hectic ans loud. Which does wear me down.

Anyway as i said me and her dad get on great. And i could never find any fault with him as a father. BUT his on/off girlfriend has not long had a child- which is great and congratulations to them. I have no problem with him getting on with his life - as i have mine. But she said something to me not long ago - well she said a few things - nothing nasty or anything like that but one thing she said stuck in my mind she said "my daughter should be with me full time". And it hurt. Why??.............well i'm still trying to work that out. But it did make me fell bad and question myself thinking things like did i fight for her hard enough and was there more i could do. Am i a bad mother. Now i know that she is in the best place, i know i couldn't give her the life she has now. But it made me feel bad about admiting this. I mean i see her all the time, and i love her to bits. So why did her word hurt like they did??