I'm happiest at home with my family. I really am nothing without them.
My best friend is really pissing me off. She's not being honest with herself or with me. It's really depressing and tiring watching yet another of my friends' lives fall apart. Divorce, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, depression, cheating, greed...none of them seem to see the link between those things and their unhappiness. I guess I'm just not as understanding as I always thought I was.
The leaves are starting to fall. If I close my eyes, I can see and smell those golden piles of yellows, reds, and earthy brown. I love autumn and all the holidays and things associated with it.
Last wednesday, I bought a case of water and stuck it under my cart. I paid and got out to the parking lot before I realized that I hadn't paid for the water. I didn't go back in.
I lost 26 pounds this summer and today I went and bought my very first bikini to wear into the hot tub this winter. I will always have body issues, so I will never wear it in public, but the feeling of power that comes from being confident enough to buy one in the first place is pretty intoxicating. I still have to lose more, but it's fun being able to shop in the "cute" racks again.
I'm afraid that I'm going to turn into my mother and have the same screwed relationship with my daughter as I always had with my mom, and she with hers. There's a lot of pressure to break the vicious cycle. I want to do it and I think I can. I know I'll try.
I want to make something out of nothing and have it be a work of art. I envy artistic people. It must be so wonderful to take some art supplies, a piece of wood, a webpage, or any canvas and make something beautiful out of it that people enjoy looking at. But I don't have a direction and never felt especially talented at anything I've ever tried. Sometimes you just have to leave it to the professionals.
I'm grateful for this sounding board. If no one reads it, or 2,000 strangers do....at least I'm not holding it in....at least I can be forced to be honest with myself.
There it is...in black and white.
There's strength in vulnerability.
wyldcat
2 Comments
But the sun is shining and it is dry and warm ( at last the English summer arrives just as autumn approaches!). It is my birthday - fateful day 11 September. But I and most of my close family are alive and well and, for the moment, happy. My daughter in Australia called me for an hour long chat. And I could hear her baby, my first grandchild just five weeks old, gurgling and mewing on her lap. She now smiles and I will see her for the first time in another six weeks. And no-one I knew personally was in the Twin Towers or any other disaster since. And no-one was injured when my car was smashed, unlike my brother's youngest son who was killed by a drunken driver nine months ago - his dear parents and siblings have to live with the grief every day for the rest of their lives. Nothing can make it better. But I can get another car( more debt - but hey - life's for living.) And some things I picked up cheaply at a local flea market have turned out to be quite valuable and when sold by a big auction house near me, should make me enough money to pay for the car repairs.
I love your phrase - there is strength in vulnerability - yes!
All very best wishes to you. (Keep trying to sort it out with yr mother and daughter. You're not alone. )
But you have your words- you write well- isn't being a writer an art as well? You don't need wood or canvas to create imagry --you've already started- writing about the simple things like running off with water- we all do it- and it all connects us to each other in certain ways to put it out there.
keep going with it! :) Anyone can write
Hey you know AdGuy always gets the last word! ;)