Im standing in the bathroom this morning getting ready for work when my grey cat Bubba- a prime example of male cat adolescence- saunters in and proceeded to leave a very large stinky poo in his litter box. He seems to glare at me in satisfaction with his yellow cat eyes as he turns tail and runs out to pounce on his brother Rascal, who is the metrosexual feline in my house and therefore would not LEAVE a stinky poo for me.
As Im grabbing the air freshener so I dont have to vacate the bathroom I am laughing about how typically male that action just was. Regardless of the species I believe that men really enjoy their poos. And they like to torture the women in their lives with this love of their poo as well. Dutch oven anyone? (i.e. men who fart in bed and then throw the blankets over their girlfriend/wifes head to enjoy the stench).
This would explain why a man sits for an hour on the pot reading a newspaper while women finish their business and quickly get out. Or why female public bathrooms are quite as tombs compared to the noises that can be heard in a males public restroom. (so i hear)
I heard on the news that there was a growing popularity for men who were allowing women to stay with them rent free if that woman acted like a wife- basically taking care of the man without all the complications of romantic entanglements. "You cook, clean, pamper me and in return you dont have to pay for rent."
So the questions have to be asked: Do women who accept this arrangement debase themselves because of it? Or is it just common sense seeing as how they'd probably be doing all that for a husband/boyfriend anyway. And the men who arrange this service- what is it about them that offers this in the first place? Is cleaning the toilet just THAT bad? Do they just want to make their messes and not have to clean them up or is it that they just want that "mom" figure to be there to take care of them still?
Ive also heard the statistics that elder men are twice as likely to get remarried than women are after the death of a spouse or they are twice as likely to follow that spouse if they remain single because they cant stand being alone and uncared for. Is that why women's life expectancy is greater? Do men really need to be nurtured that much in this life?
Obviously there are exceptions to everything- so this is only a sweeping generalization based on the observations of a few statistics (but it works for CNN so I can use the same method) but it appears that women are much more adapt at survival than men.
I just believe it relates back to the fact that we arent fascinated with our own poo. Could just be me though ;)
Tequila Rose
8 Comments
I actually debated writing a classical work for my euphonium, about the joys of defecation. It was going to be in 3 movements!
I am however going to make a couple of valid points, so all you reading this, make sure that your chairs are comfy, and all loose stools are deposited somewhere where they will not interfere with the sincerity of what it is that i am about to say!
Do they just want to make their messes and not have to clean them up or is it that they just want that "mom" figure to be there to take care of them still Grrr @ Mom figure! You know, the psyche basis of the mom figure is based solely on the idea that the person is emulating "Mom". This really isn't fair. It's hardly our fault that we are all born with "Mom's", and that they perform rudimentary duties which just happen to coincide with that which it is we enjoy having done for us in our own abode! Or maybe, just maybe, it is the woman trying to supplant the position of mother in the man's head, (ergo making her No.1 important person), by adopting doing duties which, as seen in mens bachelor pads, we don't actually require doing anyway in our own minds, but if someone wishes to do them for us, then dig in and enjoy.
I like the idea of a lass not having to pay rent as long as she cleans / does things to make the none payment of rent viable. Services rendered springs to mind!
As for farting in bed, I can't really comment, as naturally my bottom only exudes smells similar to pot pourri! I put this down to a side affect of drinking pineapple juice regularly and its well known sweetening attributes!
I would however, while we're talking about bathroom antics mention that its no accident that, in a bathroom with bath, shower sink and loo all within the room, the bath is generally situated right next to the sink, yet the toilet is on the other side of room with the sink between the two. This cannot be accidental! Any man will tell you, the first thing that happens when he gets into a bath is... he needs a pee! But... the loo is miles away, your feet are wet, yet.. if you just lean a little... the hand basin will serve!
I bring this up for two reasons. 1: Its obvious to deduce from this most bathrooms are designed by men purely and simply for the reason above, and therefore are pleasing to view / be in, and 2 : If there are any ladies out there who happen to live with a guy on the whole rent free for cleaning scheme... please please.. remember to scrub the bathroom sink! ;)
And on that note.. I'll end, not with a full stop, but with a full colon :
my bath is across from the sink/toilet- and most men here don't typically tend to take baths but showers.. so its not really an issue i don't think... ;)
As for men relying on women, one of my Grandfathers out lived 3 wives. He was French mind you, but the point is he was in the old folks home when he married wife #3. Everything was being taken care of by the staff, and he still felt the urge to chase women and get hitched.
I have no first hand knowledge of his bathroom habits (that would have been strange) but judging from his warped sense of humor, I have no doubts that he would have loved to leave little nasties for the women to deal with. And be smug about it afterward.
I have a brother who would try to treat me like a maid when we were growing up. He got set straight on that little game when ever possible. He only got away with it when my father was around. (My father being of the opinion that there is female work and male work) It had taken years of controversy, but I had finally retrained both father and brother to the point that they would not starve to death by refusing to wash a dish. I still am careful of my brother's place (don't take off my shoes) but at least he is able to more or less fend for himself. I have no doubts that given the chance to trade room and board for house work, he would snatch up that idea in a heart beat.
So the question is, is it the men who want to be pampered that is the problem, or is it the women who need to grow a back bone?
By the way Alistair, I just about spit tea all over my computer when reading your comments. Classic!
Hey you know AdGuy always gets the last word! ;)